Saturday, February 19, 2005


Underbelly News
Downtown Eastside


Hi All

Here is some more drama regarding the Friends of Larry Campbell stuff! Please Enjoy! -- JLH


(Camera POV floats over DTES nightscape; Chopper w/steadicam)

CUT TO : Homicide Capt.Jim Brass lifts the yellow tape for Grissom and Willows. Their eyes widen as they point their flashlights at a mangled corpse on the steps of City Hall)

Grissom : What have you got for us, Jim?

Brass : Oh, you?re gonna love this. ID says the vic?s name is Classic. COPE Classic, if you can believe that. CPIC says he?s got a record as long as your arm.

Grissom : Yeah. Your left arm.

CUT TO : Theme music ?Budda budda budda budda, Whoooooooo R U, Bah-bah, bah-bah?..etc? Title sequence, cast, quick credits, commercial.

Scene opens in morgue. Grissom and Dr. Robbins are wrestling with corpse, trying to straighten it out and make it lie still.

Grissom : So what do you think, Doc. Cause of death. Out an upper-story window? Did he jump or was he pushed?

Robbins : The tissue damage isn?t consistent with impact. This is one for the medical journals. Your victim choked to death. Look at this. He?s got two left feet, both of which have been shoved down his throat somehow.

Grissom : Interesting. That explains the bizarre orientation of the limbs.

Robbins : Not entirely. At the time of his death, which I would estimate occurred several elections ago, Mr. Classic here was having anal intercourse with himself..

Grissom : That?s a neat trick. And these tire tracks all across his back?

Robbins : Narrow, distinctive tread, repeated passes over the body. See that (pointing)? Here and here and here and over here and some more on the other side. Bicycle? Electric wheel-chair maybe? We?ll know more once we?ve analyzed the Che T-shirt we found wrapped around his throat.

Grissom : Well, I guess suicide is ruled out. (Squints, whips out a lens and takes a real close look) What?s this greasy patch on his palm?

Robbins : I sent a sample to trace and GCMS says its consistent with a lubricant in widespread use in the casino industry, primarily for slot machines.

Grissom : So he could still be elected?

Robbins : I don?t foresee any major difficulties. It wouldn?t be the first time they ran a stiff for Mayor. A little make-up, better scripts , a better time-slot and higher ratings for DaVinci (they both suppress a laugh), and Voila! Another 3 seasons where we?re all moving forward together in a progressive direction behind a hundred new policemen on the SkyTrain to the airport to support the 2010 games.